


So Close to the Stars

by AnnabethBlack



Category: Drawfee RPF, Drawga
Genre: Angst, Drawga - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Ladies Book Club, Love Confessions, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 18:51:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnabethBlack/pseuds/AnnabethBlack
Summary: Legzi and Ryjinah have a heartfelt conversation one night on the dormitory roof, changing everything.





	So Close to the Stars

Legzi stared up at the stars above her, although she didn’t really see the flecks of silvery gold in the swirling blue and grey sky. Her hazel eyes had glazed over, adopting a glassy reflection of the night, dimming and brightening again with the temperament of the clouds sailing above. A cool wind whipped up the edges of her cloak, but legzi did not shudder. She had been lying on her back for so long that she no longer paid attention to the shivers from cold air, nor did she feel the ache that came from laying on cool stone. Her whole body was still and numb but Legzi either didn’t mind or didn’t care. It was all self inflicted anyway.

Time, in Legzi’s opinion, was a distorted construct and, to that end, it resulted in her having absolutely no clue regarding the length of time she had been lying on the dormitory roof, staring into nothing.it could have only been a few minutes, or it could have been hours. If she was being completely honest with herself, the duration of her solitary contemplation was insignificant. The only reason she even considered it at all was because an all too familiar voice drew her attention to it.

“Good gods Legzi, how long have you been up here?” Ryjinah asked from somewhere close by.

Legzi turned her head towards the rusting fire escape. There Ryjinah finished her graceful ascent onto the roof, an expression of deep concern on her face. She looked comfortable, bundled up in a dark gray bathrobe that looked so thick and fluffy that Legzi could have simply melted into it. The robe dropped all the way to Ryjinah’s slippered feet. Legzi always admired Ryjinah’s slippers, they looked like two tiny Beholders had swallowed up Ryjinah’s feet. In her hands Ryjinah clasped a mug that Legzi recognised from the time that she and Tiffany had coerced their friends into having a Craft Day. It was a black mug with jagged blue flames painted around the base. Ryjinah said she hated her handiwork and Legzi had not seen the mug since that day. She had always assumed Ryjinah had just thrown it away.

“Why are you staring at my mug?” Ryjinah asked, shifting her weight from one leg to another.

“Sorry,” Legzi replied hastily, turning her gaze back to the stars.

“Are you okay? How long have you been up here?” Ryjinah repeated her original question.

“I don’t know.” Legzi admitted with a small sigh.

Her eyes focused in on the layout of the stars beyond the clouds. It took every brain cell screaming in unison not to squint at the sky as Legzi connected the dots between the stars as Legzi was hyper aware that Ryjinah was watching her intently. The last thing she needed in that moment was for Ryjinah to mistakenly believe she, Legzi, was mad at her.

“You don’t know if you’re okay or you don’t know how long you’ve been up here…?” Ryjinah asked, the concern in her voice getting heavier by the word.

“Haha, I know I’m not okay,” Legzi replied in a tone that was far too cheery for the meaning it conveyed. “I have no idea how long I’ve been up here though.”

 "Oh,” Ryjinah shifted her weight again. “Uh, am I cool to chill here or should I try and find another roof?”

 "Well, I don’t exactly take up much room,” Legzi snorted but Ryjinah didn’t quite crack a smile. “If you want to stay then I’m happy to share.”

Ryjinah released the breath she didn’t realise that she had been holding. Rather than joining Legzi and sprawling out on the floor, Ryjinah sat against the chimney breast, her knees folded up to her chest. She rested her forearms on her knees, grasping the mug tightly in her claw-like fingers. A deep inhale opened the gates to a relaxing aroma of jasmine and lavender, the perfect antidote for such a frigid and sleepless night.

As she contemplated taking a sip of sweet herbal tea, Ryjinah noticed Legzi shifting about on the floor. “If I’ve interrupted you or whatever I can just go.” Ryjinah offered.

“No, it’s okay,” Legzi sat up and smiled through her wince. “O was just so lost in thought I didn’t realise how uncomfortable I actually was.”

“Wow, must have been some thought.” Ryjinah didn’t know whether to joke and smile or remain serious or to just stare at her must so she ending up doing a mish mash of it all, much to the confusion of her friend.

“Yeah…” Legzi trailed off her sentence as she considered getting lost  

There was an uncomfortable silence between the two girls as dozens of unsaid words were left hanging in the air between them. Ryjinah took a sip of tea, wincing slightly as the cold air whipped her loose hair around in front of her face. In that moment Legzi found herself imagining Ryjinah as a gorgon, with her stony good looks and cool attitude, as her hair came alive in the breeze, like the writhing of snakes. As the wind died down again, Ryjinah freed a hand to smooth her hair back again. The motion was much more rushed than Ryjinah’s usual suave slick back, or so Legzi thought. Maybe she was just misreading the situation. It was too awkward to truly tell.

“At least you don’t need to worry about the wind with your hood up,” Ryjinah laughed uncomfortably, watching Legzi stare out into the night from the side of her eye. “I bet you don’t even feel the cold at all.”

“Oh no, I’m absolutely freezing. I just… don’t mind… I guess.” Legzi replied, suddenly looking down at her hands. They were numb and the skin on them was red, rough, and even chapped in some places. They were workers hands, as scratched up and gross as Legzi’s brain felt.

“Well get over here then.” Ryjinah sounded more impatient than she intended. For a moment she was worried that Legzi might get offended and leave the rooftop, or worse, stay exactly where she was. But Legzi was used to Ryjinah’s harsher tones, knowing that her friend really only meant well, and so she brushed it off with ease.

Scooting over on her bum, Legzi nestled in next to Ryjinah, her back against the chimney and her head leaning tentatively against Ryjinah’s fluffy arm. She could feel Ryjinah stiffen for a moment at the contact but it only lasted for a second before she then let out a small sigh and relaxed.

Legzi opened her mouth to speak but she was lost for words to say. Perhaps the only saving grace of the situation was that Ryjinah wasn’t looking at hed. Instead she seemed to be focusing on flexing her fingers and muttering a series of words under her breath. Legzi could feel Ryjinah’s body vibrate as she spoke, but even this close she couldn’t make out what Ryjinah was saying. It must have been a spell as a campfire appeared five feet in front of them, larger than Legzi by almost half a foot. It took a few minutes but the air around them slowly began to warm up. Not even the wind bothered them now that the flames stood fast in the breeze.

The orange light from the fire cast an assortment of shadows across Ryjinah’s face that danced in time with the flickering flames. She had a hellish beauty that took Legzi’s breath away and made her heart crumple in on itself. It was hard to look at, and yet she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

“You’ve been acting strange lately,” Ryjinah started, her eyes still locked on the magical flames ahead of her. “I know I’m not… the _most_ approachable but I’m a damn sight better to talk to than Rah’oxah - probably - so if you ever want to talk about it, well you should just know that we’re friends and I don’t mind. Yeah, I’m, uh, here for you. If you need me. If you want to.”

“Thanks,” Legzi mumbled in response. Her heart was racing a mile a minute. She wondered if Ryjinah could hear it pounding over the whistling wind and crackling flames.

There was a shorter pause this time as Ryjinah held herself back. She didn’t want to probe any further. Usually Tiffany was the one who did this kind of stuff and Legzi was more free flowing with her emotions. In fact Ryjinah couldn’t particularly recall a time when Legzi wasn’t prepared to talk about her feelings. Out of the four members of the Ladies’ Book Club Legzi only came second to Tiffany about this stuff, but Tiffany wasn’t there in that moment, and Ryjinah had an inkling that Legzi wouldn’t open up to their dwarven friend even if she were there. This level of caginess was completely new to everyone involved. Ryjinah was unsure as to how she should handle it.

Legzi curled her hands into fists, digging her nails into the flesh of her palm. She was being stupid, she knew that, and talking to Ryjinah could help her with her issues. Yet every time Legzi so much as met Ryjinah’s eyes, her stomach would fold itself into the smallest size it possibly could and her heart would crumple up like a paper ball. Her fear of the outcome of this conversation was larger than her bravery and desire to talk combined. Still, she couldn’t just remain silent forever.

“Do you-” Legzi took a deep breath and clutched both hands to her chest to stop them from shaking. “Have you ever just had a moment where you look at someone and all of a sudden it dawns on you that they are just everything that you want in life? And the more you see them, the more this feeling is reaffirmed and it _grows_ even. And you don’t want to _be_ them, you want to be _with_  them, supporting them and having them support you in this way that is maybe more than perhaps the way you might already kind of support one another.

“Not that it will ever happen, because y- they are just so much more than you are, than you could ever possibly hope to be. And that’s okay. Your self worth and esteem is wholly intact but everything is just sad and hurting inside you because this person will never just sweep you up in their arms and love you the way that you so desperately want them to.”

During her monologue Legzi had slid back down the wall, away from Ryjinah’s arm, all the way back down to the ground. Ryjinah turned and watched as Legzi glared at the sky with a glistening in her eyes that threatened the release of frustrated tears, the result of her passionate outburst. The air around the pair was so emotionally charged with the gravity of Legzi’s words that it felt dense, making it harder to breath. One wrong word of misunderstanding from Ryjinah might cause Legzi to explode, leaving an unpredictable destruction in its wake. It was so out of character for Legzi, but Ryjinah knew that her friend had always felt emotions in a way that Ryjinah never allowed herself to.

“Wow,” Ryjinah spoke slowly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “You got it bad.”

“I’ve never felt this way before.” Legzi admitted. She was still looking up to the sky, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she did so.

“You’ve got to tell her.” Ryjinah replied after a brief moment of watching Legzi.

“Hey! It could be a guy!” Legzi replied cagily.

Ryjinah chuckled softly. It was a low, rich sound that Legzi could only just hear. It made the butterflies in her stomach do somersaults. Legzi turned her head to look at Ryjinah, her heart pounding in anticipation. As their eyes met, Ryjinah raised her eyebrow expectantly. Legzi noticed how Ryjinah was sitting up straighter now, and even leaning forward on her knees to be closer to her. There were so many ways in which the pair were close, and yet, to Legzi, Ryjinah had never felt so unattainably far away.

Focusing on Ryjinah, drinking in every inch of her, was a welcome distraction from considering her options. It was much more pleasant to watch the firelight cast dancing shadows on Ryjinah’s horns than it was to consider whether or not she ought to deflect and steer the conversation into jokes about her own sexuality.

“Maybe… Maybe this person already knows how you feel,” Ryjinah offered tentatively, following a hunch that she hoped would help Legzi open up. “You never know, maybe they feel exactly the same.”

“No,” Legzi let out a deep sigh. “I’m sure she’s never looked at me that way.”

“Ah, so it is a girl then.” Ryjinah sat back against the chimney and her eyes sparkled joyfully as a cunning smile danced around her lips.

“I wouldn’t call her a _girl_ … But I wouldn’t necessarily call her a woman either. That makes her sound too old.” Legzi furrowed her brow and began to chew the inside of her cheek.

“So she’s our age then…” Ryjinah, enjoying the game, began to envision the possible candidates as Legzi replied to her statement with an affirmative grunt. “Well, I could sit here and guess all night and then ask Rah’oxah to help me speculate all of tomorrow… or you could just tell me who it is now and we could skip all of the torment.”

There was a long pause. Legzi closed her eyes tight shut for a moment and then looked back at the stars and the clouds above, wishing that the cool surface beneath her back would just swallow her whole. Maybe the wind would suddenly pick up and sweep Legzi away in a fiery tornado that would pull her and only her apart up in the sky. Or the campus could suddenly get swarmed by awful creatures that would mercilessly decimate her in combat.

But none of that would happen and Legzi knew it. She also knew that Ryjinah would not give up until she knew Legzi’s secret, and would even go so far as to rope in the other members of the Ladies’ Book Club to speculate who it might be. That was the fun game, the thing that Ryjinah could easily latch on to, even if her intentions were pure and she wanted to help. She had no idea just how brave Legzi was being by even speaking in hypotheticals. If this carried on, well, Legzi wasn’t sure what would happen other than that there would be no escape if she kept her mouth shut. That said, there would also be no going back if she opened her mouth. Either way, she was - in her own opinion - doomed.

Finally Legzi raised herself into a sitting position, staring at Ryjinah with a grave and intense severity that Ryjinah had never seen before.

“If I tell you, nothing will ever be the same.”

Ryjinah took a deep breath and leaned forward, reaching a single hand out and resting it on Legzi’s knee. The area beneath Ryjinah’s reassuring touch felt like it was so she directed her attention to the first thing that caught her eye: Ryjinah’s other hand. It was clutched around her mug in a death grip that Ryjinah didn’t seem to notice but Legzi certainly did as the skin on Ryjinah’s knuckles seemed to be turning white with the intensity of the grip. Legzi resisted the temptation to internally dissect the meaning of this one small action as Ryjinah began to speak.    

“Legzi, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have teased you. I was just hoping you’d open up to me. I thought-” Ryjinah stopped herself short and tried again. “I know that we’re friends and I’m here to support you however you need me to, so if that means backing off then I will back off.”

Legzi took a deep breath and summoned every last drop of bravery she could muster to force out the words swirling around inside her brain.

“We are… friends… and we support each other in class and on the battlefield. I know I can depend on you for cover while and I reload and you can depend on me for… well, anything. But you don’t. You don’t come to me and talk about it when you’ve had a tough day. I can’t hold you close when you want a hug - and yes, I know you and you don’t hug, but I think you would, if you would just let me in because I want to be the one who comforts you, who cheers you on more than the rest, more than I already do, and have you know that it comes straight from my heart. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the hallway to class but you’re a boss ass bitch - and also taller than me - and also my friend, such a great friend, and you don’t feel the same. Why would you? You’re this tiefling goddess and I’m just your small lumpy friend. And now I’ve ruined everything but you asked me to. So you know now that my heart skips a beat every time you smile at me. You know I am an idiot but I’m an idiot at your mercy. You can laugh at me or send me away or tell me I’m stupid. It’s fine. I already know. I already know…”

Legzi hung her head and braced herself for any kind of reaction from Ryjinah. Her heart raced against the compression of her ribs as Ryjinah’s silence crushed Legzi in a way that was far, far worse than she could have ever anticipated. It felt like there was something stuck in her throat, like she was going to vomit with the bundle of nerves that were just wrecking havoc on her body. She couldn’t bring herself to look up, not even as she got to her feet. The idea of meeting Ryjinah’s eyes would just pulverize what remained of her spirit into fine dust and Legzi felt like she was already damaged enough.

Ryjinah remained silent as she watched Legzi rise, she was hardly even breathing. When Legzi turned her back away from Ryjinah and began to move towards the fire escape something just seemed to click into place inside Ryjinah’s head. It was a lot of information to process, especially as it was so unexpected, but she knew that she trusted Legzi. She knew how much she cared for Legzi and how much Legzi cared for her. She knew that Legzi would never be harsh, nor would she judge the reason that Ryjinah kept herself guarded. Legzi would not get mad that Ryjinah had sealed her heart away in an impenetrable tomb.In fact, with some time and guidance, Legzi would be the one to crack that tomb right open.

Not could.

Would.

She didn’t just know it, there was a part of her hidden down deep inside that _wanted_ it, not that Ryjinah had ever realised until Legzi spoke up first. That part of her seemed to be rising up, through all of the garbade and the baggage, to take control of Ryjinah’s actions, because Ryjinah knew that if she didn’t seize this moment now then that part of her would be buried once more. She might never get another opportunity to do this if Legzi walked away.

The halfling was right about one thing: nothing will ever be the same again.

“Legzi, wait.” Ryjinah called out in spite of every feat that tempted her to hold back.

Legzi paused and listened to the sound of scuffling behind her. She turned and looked just as she felt the warm sensation of Ryjinah’s fingers intertwining with hers. Their eyes met and there was that smile, nervous but determined, that made Legzi’s heart skip a beat and knocked her breath clean away.


End file.
